Anxiety Rears Its Ugly Head

Photos above: My kids in their holiday wear before church on Christmas Eve, 2012

Haven't posted here for awhile.  Many months, in fact.  I realized I was using this blog to cope with my near-constant anxiety.  I'm getting counseling now and learning how to set boundaries and be more selfish about protecting my own interests.  Turns out I don't need the blog as much anymore.

But today, I feel anxious.  So very, very anxious.  So I came back to the blog.

This week, we are blessed that my nieces and nephew came from Washington DC to visit.  They are staying with us.  My brother's family comes to town today from Atlanta.  They are staying with my mom.  It is wonderful to see everyone and I'm so lucky that my kids have ample opportunity to know their cousins on my side as well as their local cousins on their father's side.

I want everyone to be happy, and since I'm in the "host city", that means letting our visiting family call the shots about what they want to do and when they want to do it.  My visiting family has a different pace of life than I do, and I find it exhausting.  Plans change every five minutes.  We do several fun things a day, but they aren't fun for me, because I operate on a slower pace.  One fun thing a day is plenty for me.  I don't want to feel like a spoil sport, so I keep it all locked inside and get more and more anxious.

This is, as my mother says, a high class problem.  I could have no family.  I could have a family that wants nothing to do with mine.  I realize that I am blessed.

But this is my blog, and if I want to complain, I can do it.