Monday, July 29, 2013
Here, Piggy Piggy
I said hateful, hurtful words to my family this morning.
Friday night, a friend dropped by unexpectedly. I would have loved to have invited her into my home, but instead stook out on the driveway, apologizing that I can't let her see my house in its state of disarray. But honestly, when is my house ever in a good state? When could I ever invite somebody in without warning? And why can't I live the way others live?
Saturday, as I stepped out of the shower, I failed to notice the turkey sandwich on my bedroom floor and plunged my foot into a clammy gob of white bread, turkey and mayonnaise. My daughter, who had put the sandwich down "just for a minute" didn't understand why I was so upset.
The house cleaners were scheduled to come today after 4 weeks away. We worked on the house yesterday, but there are some "morning of" details to be accomplished (change the kitty litter box, scoot the dirty clothes hamper into the walk in closet). It was during the rush of the morning (my first day back at work) that I lost it and just stared spewing venom at my family.
So I sit in this quiet office, where I have a ton of work I should be doing, and all I can think of is my home, which is not a comforting environment for any of us. I long to know that when I put something in it's "spot", it will be there when I go back for it. In our home, things just aren't respected. They are moved willy nilly. I long to have a place to do paperwork, but my dining room table is completely covered. Again. I have to bring paperwork to the office to get it finished.
To be clear: We live like pigs. I am sick of it. As I feel better and can't just distract myself with fast food, I'm going to have to tackle the mess. It's overwhwelming. My family will just have to adjust.