Monday, July 29, 2013

Here, Piggy Piggy





I said hateful, hurtful words to my family this morning. 

Friday night, a friend dropped by unexpectedly.  I would have loved to have invited her into my home, but instead stook out on the driveway, apologizing that I can't let her see my house in its state of disarray.  But honestly, when is my house ever in a good state?  When could I ever invite somebody in without warning?  And why can't I live the way others live?

Saturday, as I stepped out of the shower, I failed to notice the turkey sandwich on my bedroom floor and plunged my foot into a clammy gob of white bread, turkey and mayonnaise.  My daughter, who had put the sandwich down "just for a minute" didn't understand why I was so upset. 

The house cleaners were scheduled to come today after 4 weeks away.  We worked on the house yesterday, but there are some "morning of" details to be accomplished (change the kitty litter box, scoot the dirty clothes hamper into the walk in closet). It was during the rush of the morning (my first day back at work) that I lost it and just stared spewing venom at my family.

So I sit in this quiet office, where I have a ton of work I should be doing, and all I can think of is my home, which is not a comforting environment for any of us.  I long to know that when I put something in it's "spot", it will be there when I go back for it.  In our home, things just aren't respected.  They are moved willy nilly.  I long to have a place to do paperwork, but my dining room table is completely covered.  Again.  I have to bring paperwork to the office to get it finished.

To be clear: We live like pigs.  I am sick of it.  As I feel better and can't just distract myself with fast food, I'm going to have to tackle the mess.  It's overwhwelming.  My family will just have to adjust.

5 comments:

  1. Well, I know how you feel. The people that I live with now are the same way. The only difference is that the people that I live with aren't children and I'm not married to them. I have decided to remove myself from the environment, but even that seems overwhelmingly difficult. So I'm even seeing a counselor to help me overcome the roadblocks that I throw in my own way. Good luck with your family. Changing yourself is difficult, changing others is near impossible. Praying for you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I hear ya sistah! Our home is similarly cluttered/disorganized; I get absolutely sick & tired of setting out to do a project (for instance hang some photos), but getting sidetracked so many times that I never "quite" get around to it...
    My housekeeper saves my sanity by dusting/vacuuming twice a month; I try to save her from anything odious like cleaning the litterbox, or picking up Chihuahua turds my little darlings have secreted in some corner...
    I love FlyLady's system (http://www.flylady.net/) but OBVIOUSLY have never fully implemented it!
    (You would think I would have cleaned up my act by now, since my ex-husband tried to make my cluttered house a focal point of our custody battle in '03. Now I can joke about the old-school evaluator who criticized me in his report for my "older farmhouse made of wood" - now what is a farmhouse SUPPOSED to be constructed of??, contrasting it w/my ex-husband's neat n' tidy doublewide!!! but it wasn't very damn funny back then)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I have said many an unkind thing in haste to the very people I should be the most kind to. That's why repentance and forgiveness are so wonderful in a family. You will still love them, they will still love you . The messy house isn't anywhere near as important as your relationships are. So ask forgiveness and give it to yourself as well. Hugs to you on your journey

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm just now catching up, but please know that I remembered that you were having this surgery "soon" and have been praying for you, Sarah!

    Our house is the same way. I'm so tired of spending all day with my kids, doing clean-up of one area, only to turn around and see it destroyed again because they were being careless. And I homeschool, so I'm here all. the. time. with them. So I did something that neither of my big (6 & 8) kids appreciate: I built 30 minutes of mandatory clean-up time into each school day, just before their friends get home from school and they want to go out and play. We'll see how it goes - I just can't do it all alone anymore, especially with two littles (2.5 and 8 months), too.

    ReplyDelete

Me loves comments!